I’m A Total Screw Up

2010/08/Derek-Redmond-Barcelona-1-001.jpg Photo ©Copyright/Courtesty of Derek Redmond

Do you ever have those days where you feel like a total screw up? Like, who could love me, really? It’s hard enough to love myself. Well, I have those days often enough, and I sometimes think, aren’t I supposed to improve with age? Shouldn’t I see dramatic strides of progress in my character after all I’ve been through?

Sigh. Maybe progress in character is one of those things that we don’t necessarily see in ourselves, I don’t know. But I do know that sometimes I feel hamstringed by life, by my attitudes, by my inability to be the person I want to be—the person Jesus is trying to make me into. I so want to get closer to being that person, but then something comes along and I react like a jerk, or I handle it badly, or I say something completely stupid.

I came across this video this week about Derek Redmond. He was picked as the favorite of the 1992 Olympics in the 400-meter dash, but the unexpected happened. I won’t ruin the story of it, but I saw myself.

Derek’s story will remind me in those shaky moments of a few timeless truths:

  • Regardless of how much my character has grown for the better through discipline and training, I am prone to injury and falling.
  • I will never be alone. My Father will scale any obstacle to escort me across the finish. He is more likely to show up when I cannot do it alone.
  • I will still be regarded as a winner if I pick myself up and finish, working through the pain.
  • It is those who overcome who are remembered even more than those who had it easy or achieved great success. They are remembered as the heroes.

This week, I will dwell on these truths, and I will do my best to overcome my weakness in His strength. Will you join me?

What is your favorite story of verse of overcoming?

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Posted in category: Enlarging Faith

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  • Elisha

    wow..that video was touching! I love the concluding remarks… heroes don't always get the medals, sometimes they don't even run the race. In this christian race, we actually have nothing to prove to anyone. What is important is that we finish and it is most likely that we will need the Father to help us to get there. God help us!!! And thanks for sharing.

    • jferwerd

      Thanks Elisha! You are correct on all counts. It's so easy to say those things and another to internalize them, especially in the moment of failure. But we will keep trying.

  • Gerry Wakeland

    We all stumble and fall. Most of us every day! Thankfully Jesus is there to pick us up and get us back in the race. So when we have those days when we feel like a total screw up it just gives us one more opportunity to draw closer to Abba Father.

    • jferwerd

      That is our thorn that keeps us humble and dependent for sure. How are you sister? I think of you often. Much love coming your way!

  • Barb

    Thanks Julie. I needed this video and this encouragement today. "And the last shall be first." Worthy of repeating.

    Going to download that Coldplay song…

  • Raph

    Most of the pain i'm suffering in my life is from my own screw-ups, no matter how much i try i just seem to screw up and right now i feel like i'm in a place where my whole world around me is crumbling and i deserve all of it and much worse because i'm a total screw up and i can't ever seem to get it now. God seems so far away because i continuously sin and disobey his laws. I feel like i'm just taking up space in this world and right now i'm about to lose even more.
    I feel like Sampson in a crumbling building, but i'm still here so I need HELP.

    • jferwerd

      Hang in there Raph. Rest assured that God loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, but He loves you too much to leave you the way you are. Hence, the uncomfortable times in life. You are a Master-Piece in the works.

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