Following Jesus into the Dark, Chaotic, Messiness of My Life

The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Genesis 1:2

In the new book by Vince Antonucci called, I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt, (a great book by the way), Vince shares:

What is the first thing we see God doing in the Bible? I think the correct answer is “hovering.” The Bible describes what God was hovering over as “formless,” “empty,” and “darkness.” It’s like God was hovering over this dark, chaotic messiness. What happens next? God dives into it, and He brings light to the darkness, order to the chaos, and beauty to the messiness.

When I study the life of Jesus, I see this happening all the time. Jesus’ MO was to go into a town, hover around a little, and then dive into the dark, chaotic, messy places in people’s lives and bring light, order, and beauty. And He’s still doing the same thing today.

Sometimes Jesus will lead me into the darkness, chaos, and messiness of my own life. Though I prefer to ignore it, the reality is that whenever there is sin in my life, there is darkness, chaos, and messiness. This is why so many Christians wear a disappointed look on their faces.

For years I continued in the sin of being an impatient jerk to people. The whole time Jesus was trying to lead me into that sin (to deal with it), but I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to deal with my past, with what my father had done to me, with what I had become. I didn’t want to get the help I needed. And so I struggled against Jesus until the pain of being a disappointed, toxic Christian became greater than the fear of following Him.

Although it seems easier to just continue hovering, I’m learning it’s always better to follow Jesus as He dives into the dark, chaotic, messiness of my sin. It’s usually scary, but it always leads me to light, order, and beauty. And it’s the only way to really experience life with Jesus.

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